It’s funny how our heart plays tricks on us. You think you have something, but the blinders are on, things aren’t so clear to you, and then it takes you months to finally realize you were better off all along. As I’ve said up front about this whole journey is that it started with a girl. I didn’t get the girl because I was overweight and because people judged and she listened and in return judged me instead of listen to her heart. But I got something in return…happiness, and that’s what this is about.
I’ve often believed that the best things come to you when you’re not looking for them and 14 weeks ago I started this wanting to shut myself off from the world, get to work, lose weight, and get the girl back. I was angry, I was bitter, and I didn’t understand why someone who claimed “you’re everything I’ve ever wanted in someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with” would do the things they did. If you make claims like that, you can’t back down…you lock that person up and you don’t take them for granted, don’t be selfish, and don’t worry what others think.
But today I realized, as shitty as it was, that whole scenario was one of the best things to happen to me. I’m 50 lbs lighter, I’ve made improvements in every aspect of my life, and guess what…I unexpectedly met a person who has far exceeded what I find the word beautiful and amazing to mean.
I cannot even begin to explain how happy I’ve been, no fighting, no petty bullshit, no lies, no hiding things, no trust issues…just someone I can be myself around and someone who is by my side through this journey….literally in the gym with me. Someone who has the guts to give me shit if I get off track and most importantly someone who has respect for themselves and that’s why she gives me respect in return.
Now, don’t get me wrong…I’m not in some serious relationship, I’m sticking to what I told myself I’d do and that’s just live life and enjoy what comes along. Am I claiming I met the love of my life, no. But guess what, I’m happier than I’ve been in the last year and it’s because of this person.
I guess all I can say is, don’t settle. Find something or someone that makes you forget the past. Begin again…but never give up, move on and live life to the fullest.
Is it wrong that it makes me kind of happy to know she’s in a shitty relationship because she chose someone who doesn’t care about her over me, maybe it is, but ya know what…some times people make stupid decisions and all you can do is forget about them and move on. Life isn’t fair or easy, just move on and never go back to the mistakes or past…..NEVER!
Hope everyone else has a beautiful rest of the day!
the guy with a big smile on his face today
I’ve been thinking a lot about the word “change” lately and I’m starting to realize that change is a word that often comes with negative connotation. A vast majority of people walk around thinking change is not necessary in their life, but they will also be the first to complain when something isn’t going their way or when a negative scenario comes about in their life. These people ask questions in their head that starts with “why…” and usually have the word “me” in it.
So the question I pose is “why” not change? Why is change such a negative thing? Why does change have to be hard?
Maybe the word is deceiving because when people think about change, they think they have to go to all these extremes and totally flip over their life. I now know that this isn’t the case.
I suggest you no longer use the word change, but instead use the word “improve”. Improve your life by becoming the person you see yourself as deep down inside you.
That little voice in your head that you often hear saying “I wish I would have done _______ differently” or “I wish I would have tried _________”. Those thoughts are coming from the real you, the you that wants to be better and try/do new things. It’s the more adventurous, energetic, personable side of you.
Yes, you will have to look at how you’re living your life, the routine you’re in, and the habits you’ve formed over the years. You’ll have to do things differently, you’ll have to take risks, and most importantly, you will have to fail. When you fail, you will have to push forward and keep letting that voice guide you.
These past couple months, every person I’ve met who I’ve talked to about the things I’m doing have all said “I wish I could work out more”….”I wish I could eat better”. None of us go through life not having these thoughts about “change”. So instead of relying on self pity and asking yourself the “why me” questions, ask yourself “how?”.
How do I become the person I see myself as deep down? How do I achieve my goals? How do I improve my life? Then put a plan in action and give it your all. No one ever got somewhere in life by putting in 50% effort, if you put in 100% effort then you will be rewarded. Plain and simple, that is how life works.
Since I don’t want to just sound like someone who is preaching, I figured I should share the improvements I’ve made over the last couple months, feel free to continue reading and ask any questions if you’d like:
1. Get rid of my Gout – I was going on almost 3 months straight of having a gout flair up and I was too embarrassed to go to the doctor again for meds so I just let it go. So for almost 3 months limping around in pain. When you have gout it feels like a broken toe and your toes is swollen and red. These last couple months my toes has been it’s normal size and no pain whatsoever. I made it a personal goal to never suffer from this again.
2. I’ve become more open and honest about myself – Most all of this applies to my family. For whatever reason, in my life I resorted to lying to them to try and get out of bad scenarios. To be honest, I just don’t want to disappoint them and I thought I was slick, so I’d do whatever I could to get out of a jam. I’m not a bad person, the things I’ve done to get in “trouble” in my life are miniscule compared to most people (never been arrested, no drugs, alcohol problems, violence, etc). But when you lie over and over again, people lose trust in you no matter how small the lie may be. I desire a better relationship with my family, I may be completely different from them, but they are my family and it’s become obvious to me that they don’t get me, because I haven’t given them a real chance to know me. We are all very different, but I think that’s what makes us an awesome family b/c we all have different things to offer in life.
3. Cut my nails – I use to just let them grow and then bite them (horrible habit)
4. Cut my toenails! – Feet are disgusting but I love wearing sandals, which was ironic b/c I i would rarely cut my toe nails or pay much attention to washing my feet. I use to have this big thing of dry skin on my right big toe. After making improvements in my care for my feet that was gone within a couple weeks.
5. Stop Eating Out – Have I been perfect on this one, no. I’ve eaten out several times during this whole process. But you know what, I use to eat out 7 days a week virtually 3 meals a day. How I did that, I have no clue….but it’s no wonder why I just had kidney stones to deal with.
6. Think before I talk – I was always one of those people who said the first thing that popped in to their head, but I started to recognize the trouble that was getting me in to. So I’ve noticed myself slowing down, processing thoughts, and even speaking slower as I continue to still process exactly what it is I’m saying. This has caused a lot less issues in my life.
7. Patience – This is definitely still a work in progress as I’ve always had a small amount of patience with people. But I’ve recognized that it brings unnecessary and added stress to my life. A lot of people live in their own little world and they’ll never understand your view point or ever take the time to fully understand a situation. In America, we’re consumers before anything else and technology has shifted the way we expect things in life. I’ve accepted that a majority of people no longer read the information given to them, follow directions, or take the necessary time to solve a problem on their own. Like I said, this is a work in progress b/c when running a business, you’re constantly put in scenarios of ignorance. But I do know one area I’ve thoroughly improved in is handling situations that consider mistakes within the business, you can’t get flustered in front of employees, someone needs to keep calm and solve issues and I feel I’ve stepped up there.
8. Communication – This is yet another work in progress, but I’ve acknowledged that I use to do a horrible job communicating in general. Whether it be work related or personal, I am doing a better job of just letting people know “things”.
9. Getting in a Routine – Don’t get me wrong, I fly by the seat of pants and I can do amazing things when in a time pinch. But living like that takes a toll on your mind and body. Routines are hard for the creative types, but I feel as if I’m achieving more on a daily basis by having some consistency in my day. Organization is a whole other project for me!
10. Over Analyzing Situations: I’ve made huge strides in this department. I’m genuinely an interested person and I ask questions because I care about people and I just honestly want to know things about them. But at the same time, I had a tendency to over analyze and over thing their answers or actions. I’d say the only recent hiccup I had was when I recently sent a girl flowers. It was the first time I’ve sent a girl flowers, but this was the first time where I felt like it was completely necessary. I sent them to her work and her texts were sporadic so I started to get all worried, thinking that it was the wrong move and that I probably embarassed her. But of course, the situation was more simple than that, she was merely busy b/c she was in fact, at work…tending bar, on a Saturday night. So yea, I’ve admitted that I can be an idiot and make myself think things that aren’t true and that helps absolutely nothing. So for once, I’m finally enjoying getting to know someone b/c 1. She doesn’t mind that I ask questions and 2. I don’t dissect everything she says. I just take it for what it is instead of looking for more.
There are plenty more things I could add to this list, but it’s starting to get a little long and I think you get the point.
The point is, I’m finally becoming the person I know I am meant to be. Over the years I’ve picked up bad habits , half-assed a lot things, and been inconsiderate to how my actions effect my life and the people in my life.
For the first time in 28 years I feel like I understand who I am and how I work. This is the first time I truly feel happy in multiple aspects of my life. I realize this is going to be a long journey, but the reward well outweighs the risks that come with “change”.
I invite you to change the way you view the word change and you’ll start to become the person you were meant to be. That first step won’t seem so hard anymore.
We’re a fast food nation…there’s no denying that. But do we even realize at what cost we’re lining the pockets of this companies for? The answer is simple…our lives, that’s the cost.
Look, at my worst, I was eating fast food every day and some times twice a day. I wouldn’t just order a value meal, I’d tack on a couple burgers from the dollar menu, it was more than an addiction, it’s a life style and it’s one I’ve never been proud of. It’s like being in bed with the mafia….once you’re in, you’re in and there’s no going back.
But I promise you, this is no life to live. It’s a sluggish and slow walk of death. There’s a way out and there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
There’s no way better to illustrate this than to look at the actual numbers, because as they say “numbers don’t lie”. When we go through a drive thru, there’s no way of knowing what we’re putting in to our bodies, there are no nutrition labels anywhere on the food and the only way to obtain the information is to go on line. So I did just that. I decided to go to Wendy’s website and get the nutrition facts based on a typical meal I use to purchase at Wendy’s for the price of about $10.00
That’s correct…I was consuming 2,070 calories, 85 grams of fat, 25 grams of saturated fat, 180 mg of cholesterol, 3500 mg of sodium, and 107 grams of sugar….. IN ONE MEAL. Not just once a week…but on MANY occasions through out the week.
I actually just sat here for 5 minutes starring at the screen in complete disgust with myself…this is the first time I’ve actually ever gone on line and looked at the numbers. There is no good reason or excuse to be consuming these numbers. So how do you fight this?
Fast Food Tunnel Vision
It has been a full month since I’ve last had fast food of any kind and while I’ve had days where I crave it, I’ve learned a few tricks to avoid easily pulling in to the first fast food place. Simply put…just focus on driving. My eyes use to wander and I’d see easily see how there were fast food places every other mile and often all packed in to the same area. It’s always so tempting because you see that sign, then you visualize your favorite thing from there, your mouth starts to water, and the next thing you know you’re driving down the road, one hand on the wheel and the other wrapped around a whopper with crumbs in your lap. It’s a disgusting visual, but it’s the person I’ve been up to this point and I don’t want to be that person any longer.
Know What you’re Consuming
Actually take a second and go look at the numbers….it’s very simple, you’ll quickly realize what you’re doing to yourself. Knowledge is power, know what to avoid and if you do choose to indulge, do it in moderation.
Currently I’m putting about that many calories in my body for the whole day with virtually 0 grams of sugar, maybe 20 grams of fat, less than a gram of sodium, and not a single thing I’m eating has been made by some factory or was even frozen.
I hope your eyes can be opened as wide as mine have and you can make some small changes. I’m not going to judge anyone who eats fast food because I was the worst of the worst, but I can tell you I feel much better today than I did 30 days ago.